etiquette

Some hopefully helpful information and tips for the uninititated about Swedish wedding customs. The purpose of this page is
informative: to let you know what's going on at the reception, etc. and in particular so that you won't be confused when the Swedes
act goofy :). The following text was published on the Internet by a Swedish woman who takes the etiquette very seriously, she was
second runner-up for Sweden's Bridezilla competition. Enjoy the reading and please don't take it too seriously!

reception table seating
- who sits where and why?
A difference between US and Swedish dinner parties is the
seating arrangement. There are a few rules that always apply
and they might seem strange to the American guest. Keep in
mind that all rules are there to make the party as enjoyable
and social as possible.

First, a husband and wife are never seated together. The main
reason for this to give them an opportunity to meet new
people and make new friends.

Second, engaged people always sit together. Speaking from
own experience, it is difficult to be away from your fiance even
for a minute. I guess who ever made the etiquette rules
expects this to change after the wedding.

Third, people who are Sambo (living together but not married)
are never seated together. We have a separate category for
this group in Sweden as it is almost as large as the first one.

Forth, siblings are never seated next to each other.

In order to complicate things even more we have some
special rules that apply to weddings. The newlyweds are
seated next to each other (for the last time). Brides maids and
best men are seated together.

Other than that, the host and hostess of a party will try to seat
guests next to someone they have a lot in common with.

what's with all the speeches?
At Swedish formal dinners there is a tradition of holding
speeches. A few are held at all formal dinners and some are
wedding specific. The speeches are held in a particular order
and they are listed accordingly below.

the welcome speech
The host or hostess holds a speech to welcome the guests to
the dinner party. One should avoid to start eating or drinking
(except water) before this particular speech is held. At the
wedding this will either be the father or the mother of the bride.

the father of the bride
The father of the bride starts the evenings wedding specific
speeches to the bride and the groom.

the groom's parents
At least one of the groom's parents is expected to give a
speech to the newlyweds. Since the father of the groom is,
due to seating arrangements, obliged to give the Thank You
Speech at the end of the dinner, some choose to let the
mother of the groom make this one.

brides maids and groomsmen
The brides maids and the groomsmen can choose to hold a
speech together, individually or in any grouping they prefer.
At least one of the brides maids and one of the groomsmen
are expected to hold a speech.

other guests
Anyone is welcome and at our reception encouraged to hold
a speech! Traditionally siblings, other relatives of the bride
and groom hold speeches, as do close friends. It is very
common that groups of friends hold prepared speeches
together.

the thank you speech
The person who is seated next to the hostess (on her left
/your right side) is expected to hold a Thank You speech.
This is done when the meal is over and everyone is done
eating. At our wedding this will be the father of the groom.

As you can imagine there is a need to have someone
organize and schedule all the speeches and the dinner in
general. The person keeping track of all this is called a
Toast master or a Toast madame/mistress. This person also
reads any telegrams that have been sent by guests how
could not attend the wedding.

toast mistress at our wedding reception is
Cecilia Andersson. If you would like to hold a
speech, sing or entertain at our reception
please contact Cecilia:
cecilia.andersson@fysik.uu.se or
+46-18-50 84 06
at the latest a few weeks before the wedding.

the swedish toast
The Swedes have a very particular way of toasting. The
Swedish toast actually dates back to the Vikings. When the
Vikings used to drink together it was important for them to
look the person they toasted with in the eye. This was done
to install respect and ensure he wasn't going to attack or
draw his weapon while you were drinking. It was also
custom to repeat this procedure as soon as you had
finished drinking for the same reason. This custom has
followed the Swedes, who now a days usually drink under
more civilized forms.

The procedure: After the speech or toast you raise your
glass and look the person/or persons with whom you are
toasting in the eye. Then you say "Skål" and have a sip of
your wine. After you have finished drinking you should keep
your glass raised and look the person/persons in the eye
again - BEFORE putting your glass back down.

The time you have eye contact with a person depends on
the number of people toasting the same toast. In larger
groups or at weddings it is custom to ensure eye contact
with the person sitting next to you, and in the general
direction of the speaker and of course the bride and groom.

dinner etiquette
During the dinner one should try not to leave the table. If you
have to, it should be done as discretely as possible. Make
sure not to leave or return during a speech.

speech etiquette
Once the Toast master announces a speech you should put
down your cutlery. It is not considered polite to continue
eating, to drink or speak to anyone during a speech. The
speaker should have your full attention.

dance, anyone?
After dinner and coffee it is time to dance. Please note that
you are expected to dance the two first dances with the
person you are sitting next to (if you're a man, the woman to
your left is your lady to the table) . It is important not to
overlook this "rule" as the person you are sitting next to will
be left alone if you go looking for your partner.

Source: http://w1.844.telia.com/~u84419195/Traditions.html

swedish weddings